Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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