Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
