If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
