This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
