The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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