I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
