cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
