im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
