Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
