Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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