it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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