But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
