she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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