Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
