We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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