ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What drink are we having for lunch?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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