and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
