Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
