Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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