ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
