3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
