If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
