I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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