So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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