Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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