I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
