You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
