I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
