I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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