I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
