Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
