I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
