happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
