we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
