you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
