why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
