Porn is love you can see.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
