dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
