Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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