Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
