How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
