We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
