True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
