going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
