then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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