Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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