After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
