Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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