I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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