you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
