i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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